When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
