please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
