Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
