he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
