I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
