hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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