Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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