it hurts more in the daytime
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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