Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
