you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is wine microwaveable?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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