He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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