So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
