hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
