Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
