After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
