yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
