get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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