A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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