some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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