I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
