I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
