last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You made out with two different species that night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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