I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
