Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
