He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
