i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this just has baby written all over it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
