i was born a porn star she said
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
