i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
