I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
