O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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