I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
