we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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