Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
