i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
