Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
