bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize