All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
