its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
