I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
