i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
