i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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