how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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