Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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