i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
