Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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