I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
