A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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