i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
