I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
