oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
