wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
