If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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