I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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