..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
