Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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