you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
