im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
