Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
