Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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