Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(432): View more from Texas

So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.

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(647): View more from Ontario

You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen

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(845): View more from New York

On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch

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(606): View more from Kentucky

did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him

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