Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.