So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
