True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
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Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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