Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
