Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
