I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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