We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
