enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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