Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
