Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
