JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
