So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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