Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
