Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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