you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
