i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
